What Not To Do; or, "I'm Still a Guy"

You can call me old-fashioned or say I'm promoting stereotypes, but I'm sorry, there are just some things a good God-fearin' Southern man should not do. It's like the great Brad Paisley sings in "I'm Still a Guy": With deep spray-on tans and creamy lotiony hands/You can't grip a tackle box.

Now, I'll lotion up my knuckles when the skin starts flaking off, and I've even filed my heels at my wife's behest. But the following 10 things you will never, ever see me do. Ever. I'd rather watch "The View." ~shudder~

1. Exfoliate.

2. Freak out when my dress socks don't match my slacks.

3. Go to a tanning bed.

4. Watch Lifetime.

5. Believe anything Oprah says.

6. Wear black socks – any socks – with sandals.

7. Point my thumbs forward when placing my hands on my hips.

8. Drive a Saab.

9. Wear a pink button-down shirt (I don't care if it's in style).

10. Eat yogurt.

There are so many more, but that'll do for now.

Today's Redneck Moment: I laughed, once again, at the Bud Light "dude" commercial.